Five Times Tony Was Drunk
by GeekBastard23
Summary: Five times Tony was drunk and paid Gibbs a visit. Gibbs/Tony Slash.
1. One

_A/N: This was originally planned as a one shot, but it got slightly out of hand, so I'm splitting it into a few chapters. Hope you like it!_

_Disclaimer: NCIS or its characters don't belong to me, I'm just playing with them._

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><p><strong>Five Times Tony Was Drunk<strong>

One

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Gibbs dragged himself up the stairs from his basement, wondering who would show up at his door at two o'clock in the morning, relentlessly knocking at his front door. It surely couldn't be anyone he knew very well as it was an open secret that there was no lock on it. He finally reached the door and opened it, only to be faced with his brand new agent leaning heavily against the doorframe, a half-empty beer bottle still in his hands.

"Hey Boss," DiNozzo greeted him, his voice slurring as he stumbled towards the living-room and then flopped down on the couch.

Slightly confused, Gibbs followed him, taking in the obviously drunk man in front of him. He hadn't seen him like that before and he wondered what had brought this up, especially regarding the poor timing of it all. He finally sat down next to him, waiting for DiNozzo to start talking. The room was dipped in silence for a long time, but Gibbs knew better than to ask, though it struck him oddly off that DiNozzo, of all people, was able to stay silent for such a long time. But the young man just kept on sitting there, shoulders slumped, his fingers picking at the label of the almost empty bottle. Only when Gibbs shifted ever so slightly after a little while, did DiNozzo move again as he looked around the room, his eyes finally coming to a stop on the suit that was hanging on a hanger on the door.

"I guess," DiNozzo finally started to talk, the words still slurred, his voice quiet and rather broken, which sent an unexpected shiver down Gibbs' spine. "You won't need that tomorrow."

"Why's that?" Gibbs replied. "Are you uninviting me to your wedding?"

DiNozzo let out a pathetic attempt of a laugh before he downed the rest of the beer in one swig. He was still staring at the suit as he finally answered barely above a whisper.

"Wendy left me."

Gibbs felt his heart drop as he turned to stare at him, almost able to see the hurt that seemed to radiate from the young man.

"Why?" he finally asked as he realized that DiNozzo wasn't going to elaborate.

The younger man once again remained silent and Gibbs found it oddly unnerving as he had finally gotten used to the ever babbling agent at his six. The young man had finally averted his glance from Gibbs' slightly battered suit and was staring at his hands now instead as if to buy himself even more time to answer.

He finally settled on a barely audible "'S complicated."

Gibbs just nodded, knowing far too well just how complicated women could get. He was recently divorced after all, but he was also aware of the fact that a 'complicated' was not enough to blow off a wedding.

"Care to elaborate?" Gibbs finally asked, the prevailing silence unnerving him. "Why did she leave?"

"You really want to know why?" DiNozzo spoke up again, loudly this time, his words still slurred, but he finally looked directly at Gibbs as if he was challenging him and the older man had no clue what was going on all of a sudden.

"Yeah?" Gibbs replied, slightly leaning away from the alcohol flavored breath and realizing that it had sounded more like a question than an actual statement.

"'Cause of you. She left because of you."

"Me?" Gibbs pressed out, feeling utterly confused by now.

"Yeah, you," DiNozzo's tone was accusing now, though Gibbs really had no clue what he was supposed to have done to him. "You egoistic, self-centered, all-demanding bastard of a boss."

Gibbs leaned even further away from him, unable to figure out whether or not he was supposed to be offended by that statement. It was probably the truth after all, though he wasn't quite able to see the connection between his being a bastard and Wendy leaving the guy.

"That so?" he finally replied, seeing DiNozzo strangely enough relax at his words as if he had waited for a stronger reaction from him.

"Uh-huh."

"No news, DiNozzo," Gibbs sharply answered, slightly on the edge by now due to the younger man's strange behavior. "But how would that affect your relationship with Wendy?"

"You're asking?" he retorted almost incredulously. "You're keeping me on my toes all the time, I never get home on time and you're seriously asking me why Wendy broke up with me?"

"Yeah, I do," Gibbs answered, leaning towards him again, finally having had enough of this nonsense. "If I'm that insufferable, why don't you just quit and have your happily ever after?"

"'Cause I don't want that!" DiNozzo suddenly cried out and then immediately sprang up as if he had burned himself with his own words.

Gibbs gaped at him for a second, trying to figure out what the hell it was what the young man wanted to tell him. If he didn't want Wendy, why was he so freaking mad at him?

"You don't want what?" Gibbs replied, also standing up now, bringing himself face to face with DiNozzo.

"Quit the job," he retorted, apparently slightly confused again.

"Then why come here tonight if you don't want to accuse me of destroying your life?" Gibbs all but growled now, all the while moving closer to the other man, who surprisingly didn't flinch away one bit.

"I needed to know," DiNozzo finally answered, trying to avoid the eye contact now and Gibbs moved closer once again to make sure he understood him right, as his voice was barely audible anymore.

"Needed to know what?"

"If she was right."

Gibbs let out a frustrated sigh at DiNozzo's apparent unwillingness to actually talk to him. He closed the last remaining gap between their bodies as he leaned into the guy, so that their noses were nearly touching.

"Spit it out, so we can get this over with. Right about what?" he growled.

"Well," the younger man replied hesitantly, trying to look everywhere but at Gibbs. "She said I wasn't paying attention to her anymore because… because…"

"Because?" Gibbs prodded and only now did he realize that his breath had become shallow all of a sudden as he took in DiNozzo's unique scent of musk, aftershave and beer.

"She said I was obsessed with you," DiNozzo slurred again. "Said I can't keep my eyes off of you."

He let out a shaky breath at the end as if expecting an outburst from Gibbs. The older man, however, stared at him in horror, opening his mouth a couple of times without actually making a sound and tried in vain to feel even slightly appalled. He still had no clue how to answer to DiNozzo's questioning gaze and realized only now that while the younger man had avoided eye contact all night, he was actually staring right into his blue eyes now as if to dare him to reply.

And Gibbs had still no idea what to do, when DiNozzo suddenly closed the short distance between them and pressed a clumsy kiss onto his lips. Gibbs knew that he should back away, should shove DiNozzo away, but he was too startled to do anything really. So he just kept on standing there, not exactly kissing him back, but not exactly feeling revolted by it either. When DiNozzo finally stepped away from him, his expression was grim and wary and Gibbs had no clue what was going on behind those green eyes. He was still too shell-shocked to actually react to it in any way.

But just as he had somewhat regained his composure, DiNozzo let himself drop down onto the couch again, not bothering to even lose his shoes as he lay down and closed his eyes. Gibbs stared at him for a moment, unable to decide whether or not the guy was joking, but then a soft snore escaped him and Gibbs shook his head. How in the world could the guy kiss him and then immediately fall asleep as if nothing had ever happened? Was this all a game to him or was he actually that drunk? Too drunk, in fact, to realize what he had just done?

Sighing and momentarily at a loss of something better to do, Gibbs got a blanket out of a nearby cupboard and covered DiNozzo with it the best he could without actually touching the guy. He knew that they had quite a talk coming, but he couldn't bring himself to wake the sleeping man right now, they'd just do it in the morning. He continued to stare at DiNozzo for a couple of minutes, hoping that this was all some kind of bizarre nightmare and he would wake up under the boat in the basement any moment. After a while, however, he realized that it wasn't likely to happen, so he dragged himself upstairs towards his bedroom, already dreading the talk they were bound to have.

But Tony was gone in the morning and they never spoke of that night ever again.


	2. Two

_A/N1: ahahaha, let's see when ffdotnet is willing to cooperate this time...  
>AN2: I apologize for the various Story Alerts in your emails today... this site is not my friend today ;)  
>AN3: Thanks for all the reviews, alerts and favorites... made me grin whenever I opened my email!  
>AN4: I hope you like the next part, too! :)_

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><p>Two<p>

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Gibbs poured himself another glass of bourbon, wondering why it wouldn't do him the favor to make him forget about everything that had happened those last couple of days. The loss of Kate had hit him hard, harder than he could have ever imagined. Every time he closed his eyes, she was standing there, accusing him of sacrificing her. His brain knew that it wasn't his fault, but that aching feeling inside him just kept on stabbing at him with every breath he took. How could he have let her down like that? And why had nobody but his own team believed him that Ari had in fact been bad and no freaking spy?

Subtly shaking his head, he downed the next glass and then set it back on the table next to another one, which was still empty. It was already well past midnight, but he knew that DiNozzo would come round his place sooner or later - his gut was rarely wrong about stuff like that after all. Just as he had reached for the bottle to refill his glass once again, he was able to hear the front door open and close and only seconds later hesitant and stumbling footsteps were to be heard.

"Hey Boss," DiNozzo said as he carefully sat down next to him. "You expecting someone?" he asked, his voice just a bit too cheerful and a bit too forced at that.

"Yeah, you. Probably," Gibbs just replied as he poured the bourbon into the glass that DiNozzo already held out for him.

"How did you know I'd come?" DiNozzo slurred before he took a sip and closed his eyes as he let the liquid burn down his throat.

"Didn't."

"Fine," he grumbled ever so slightly, "don't let me into your secret. I'll figure it out on my own."

"You do that," Gibbs just replied as they clinked glasses.

They remained silent for a long while after that with DiNozzo intently staring at the glass in his hands and Gibbs taking the time to look at him thoroughly for once. His cheeks were flushed, his hair disheveled and his eyes were red, whether it was from crying or from drinking, Gibbs wasn't able to tell. He knew that he probably looked just as broken as the younger man did, that he was showing signs of weakness, but he didn't bother hiding that fact. This was DiNozzo after all and in those few years that the guy had been working with him, he had jolted on the walls, that Gibbs had spent a lifetime building up, too many times for Gibbs to be able to hide his emotions right now.

"You think it'll ever get easier?" DiNozzo suddenly spoke again, his voice barely above a whisper.

"What?"

"You know… missing her?"

Gibbs sighed and bumped his shoulder against the younger man's for a second as the well known sting of hurt erupted inside of him again and this time it had little to do with Kate. He stayed silent, not sure how he was supposed to answer that, not sure what DiNozzo actually wanted to hear.

"It's just," DiNozzo finally broke the overwhelming silence again as if unable to stand it only a moment longer. "Every time I turn around, she's there, you know. Mocking me, telling me I'm a perv like nothing's ever happened."

"I know," Gibbs quietly answered, pouring them both another glass of bourbon.

"So, does it get better? Ever?" DiNozzo inquired, finally looking at Gibbs and the older man felt his heart skip a beat as he saw the look of pure devastation on his face.

"It gets more tolerable with time," Gibbs forced himself to answer. "You never stop missing them, but it gets better after a while."

DiNozzo nodded once, but continued to stare at him, his brows knitted in confused determination.

"Okay," he finally sighed, downing another glass and Gibbs had the fleeting feeling that he should stop him from drinking, he wasn't exactly sober anymore, he seemed, in fact, to have trouble getting up.

Once again they sat in silence and Gibbs finally let his thoughts drift from Shannon and Kelly to Kate again, desperately trying to get rid of the image of her lying motionless on that goddamn rooftop, her eyes staring into nothingness. He ran a tired hand through his hair, wondering why he always seemed to fail the people most important to him, why he never seemed to be able to protect them. His inner turmoil must have shown somehow because DiNozzo bumped his shoulder against Gibbs' this time and looked him squarely in the eyes.

"You seem like you've lost someone important to you before."

"Hmm," Gibbs just replied as he drank from hiss glass again, looking away from him.

"And you don't want to talk about it, got it," DiNozzo surprisingly continued to talk, his tone of voice almost forcefully smooth. "You think I'll ever close my eyes without seeing her lying there?"

"Hope so," Gibbs answered quietly, desperately trying to find something to say that would reassure the younger man next to him somehow, but he came up empty.

"It's so unfair, you know," DiNozzo had suddenly gotten up, swaying ever so slightly as he looked down on him and Gibbs briefly thought that he would blame him for Kate's death after all. "I mean, why Kate? Why couldn't he have shot me instead of her? You know, why didn't we see him up there? Why were we such fools to believe that the rooftop was clear?"

He had raised his voice now and had started to pace around the living room, his hands gesturing wildly. Gibbs stared at him for a moment and wondered how the younger man could have the exact same thoughts. Only now did Gibbs notice the dark circles under the younger man's eyes and he briefly pondered if it was due to the lack of sleep lately or still an aftereffect of the plague. DiNozzo was far from being okay just yet and Kate's death probably didn't help much and Gibbs felt the sudden feeling of guilt bubble up due to the fact that he had almost forgotten about it over those last couple of days.

The other man's movements had now become rather frantic as he kept on walking and Gibbs suddenly got restless, too, so he stood up without really knowing how that would help exactly. It seemed to do the trick for DiNozzo, though, because he finally came to a halt directly in front of Gibbs, staring at him with wide eyes. The whole situation seemed to be eerily familiar to the older man, but he wouldn't let himself indulge in the thought about that night four years ago.

"How d'you do it?" DiNozzo finally started talking again, his fingers combing through his hair.

"Do what?"

"Make it better? I can still feel her blood all over my face and no matter how many times I've showered since then, it can't get rid of it. I just… can't."

Gibbs was able to see tears well up in the other man's eyes all of a sudden and was afraid for a moment that he wouldn't be able to handle a crying DiNozzo. It wasn't like he had ever let his guards down like that with him and Gibbs was sure that he wouldn't be able to help him at all. Fortunately, DiNozzo blinked rapidly a couple of times and then let out a sigh that tore stronger at Gibbs than any tear could have ever done. The young man scrubbed both of his hands over his face as if to remove the blood from there again and it looked like he was about to hurt himself if he kept on going like that. Gibbs stepped towards him and then got a strong hold of both of DiNozzo's arms, holding them firmly in place at his sides.

"Hey," he had meant to bring some sharpness into his voice, but it came out rather soothingly. "It's not your fault that she's dead. We couldn't have known that the bastard was up there. We just couldn't, okay?" he implored, not quite sure whether he was soothing DiNozzo or himself. "We can't do anything to bring her back. God knows I want to, but we can't. We have to let her go."

DiNozzo stared at him, his cheeks flushed, eyes wide, looking torn for a very long moment before he nodded and then slumped down all of sudden. Without thinking, Gibbs's arms came around his body, holding him close and making sure that he wouldn't fall. He was able to feel his heart beat through the fabric of their shirts, was able to feel DiNozzo's erratic breathing on his neck and he felt his own heart oddly enough match the other man's rhythm. And Gibbs stood without moving for a while as if trying to absorb DiNozzo's pain in the hope of taking it from him and making it his own. He had no clue how long they had already been standing there, when his hands, as if on their own accord, began stroking up and down the younger man's back and DiNozzo finally seemed to get a hold on himself. He straightened himself a bit and Gibbs let go to get a closer look at him.

"Come on, you can crash on my couch tonight, okay?"

DiNozzo just nodded mutely and flopped down on the couch again, the torn expression back on his face.

"Sit with me for a little while longer?"

"Sure," Gibbs shrugged unable to say no to that kind of face, so he sat down next to him and was slightly surprised when DiNozzo leaned into him ever so slightly so that they were face to face before he whispered.

"Thank you. I mean… for everything," he sounded strangely sincere and Gibbs felt an unexpected twinge in his gut. "I couldn't do it without you."

Gibbs stared right back at him and had no idea what he was supposed to reply, but as his eyes suddenly locked into DiNozzo's green ones, he somehow managed to lose his entire train of thought. All at once, the fear of losing DiNozzo to the plague, the grief of losing Kate and having to watch Ziva kill her own brother crashed down on him and he leaned into the other man even more now. His eyes drifted close as his lips came in contact with the younger man's, desperately trying to make sure that they were both very much alive and breathing. He was slightly surprised when DiNozzo met his mouth in mad hunger and shoved his tongue between his lips until Gibbs let out a startled moan. He gasped into his mouth and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt to draw him even closer. But then, just as suddenly as the kiss had started, DiNozzo ended it and stared at him with wide eyes.

"Wow, I must be really drunk by now," the younger man finally pressed out, scrubbing a hand over his face. "Imagining things and shit. Should probably go to sleep."

"Okay," Gibbs replied somewhat confused, but dutifully got up from the couch, so that DiNozzo would be able to lie down.

"Night," DiNozzo mumbled barely audible and Gibbs just nodded at him as he slowly made his way up the stairs, wondering what in the world had driven him to kiss the guy just now.

He almost stumbled over the last step and realized that he was indeed pretty drunk for once. Maybe it had been the alcohol after all. He could live with that for sure, but could DiNozzo, too? Feeling his heart sink ever so slightly, thinking about the guy's reaction, Gibbs sank down on his bed, wondering how many more obstacles would be thrown at him this week. But before he could really think about it, sleep had drawn him in.

.

When Gibbs made his way down into the kitchen the next morning, he was still feeling rather queasy, whether it was from all the bourbon the night before or from that goddamn kiss, he wasn't really able to tell, maybe it was a combination of both. He was, however, actually surprised that DiNozzo was already sitting on one of the chairs around his kitchen table, sipping from a cup of coffee. As he heard Gibbs enter, he stood up, poured another cup and handed it to him with a rather sheepish look on his face.

"Can I ask you something, Boss?" he asked, not quite looking at him. "Did I do something stupid last night?"

Gibbs felt his heart skip a beat as he searched his face for any kind of hidden agenda, but there was simply curiosity written all over it. He finally settled on a simple 'No' for an answer, trying to figure out whether or not DiNozzo was toying with him. But the other man just seemed to feel relieved as he leaned back in his chair, giving him a rather awkward grin. Gibbs returned the glance and realized with a start that the other guy actually didn't seem to remember their kiss.

_Again_.

"You sure, I didn't do anything?" DiNozzo's voice cut through his inner monologue.

"Yeah, why?"

"The look on your face… but never mind," he dismissed it with a wave of his hand as Gibbs desperately tried to school his features. "But thanks anyway for letting me crash here and… you know… talking and stuff."

"Okay," Gibbs just replied and took a sip from his coffee.

"I'll get going then," the other man stood up after a few moments of silence. "See you tomorrow at work, then."

For a moment sadness crossed his face as he apparently thought of Kate again, but he quickly shrugged it off and disappeared with another wave, leaving Gibbs sitting there in his kitchen, not sure why he wasn't feeling more relieved about the fact that Tony didn't remember.


	3. Three

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews! :) Made my day :) _

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><p>Three<p>

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"Gibbs?" DiNozzo's loud voice traveled down into the basement, causing Gibbs to stop sanding for a moment. "You home?"

He didn't answer, knowing that the younger man would find his way without any acknowledgement from him. Gibb's brain was still fuzzy on some stuff, he had still trouble remembering a few things, but he knew that DiNozzo had always found him no matter what. His footsteps had gotten louder now as Gibbs started to sand again, glad that he was in fact building a boat again and not some hot tub for Mike in Mexico. His glance briefly strayed towards his watch and he was slightly startled that it was almost one o'clock in the morning. When exactly had the evening changed into night again?

"Should've known, you would be here," DiNozzo finally came into his field of vision as he appeared on the top of the stairs. "Why are you always hiding down here?"

"I like it," Gibbs grumbled, shrugging, not even trying to deny it.

"And here I thought," the younger man continued, interrupted by his own hiccup. "Your coma changed you. But you're still here, savoring in your solitude."

"Rubbish," he grumbled once again. "Just because I'm fuzzy on some stuff, I'm not a different person."

"Whatever you say," DiNozzo grinned at him as he walked down the stairs. "But you really should get out more often, Gibbs. You know, get your groove on or something."

At those last words, he had started dancing, shaking his ass and promptly missed the second to last step. Gibbs could already picture him lying on the ground and had already stopped sanding again to come to his rescue, but DiNozzo, not unlike a cat, landed on his feet with little effort. His whole-hearted laughter reached Gibbs' ears and he couldn't help but feel the soft tug at his insides at the sound of it. He hadn't realized before that he had actually missed this, had actually missed his carefree laugh, had missed his obnoxious movie references, had missed his chatter – had missed _him_. Subtly shaking his head to get rid of that particular train of thought, he looked at his Senior Field Agent, unable to hold back the smirk as DiNozzo continued to dance to the music that was only to be heard in his own head.

"You got bourbon here?" he finally asked, that broad smile still on his lips.

"I think you've had enough for tonight," Gibbs just replied as he picked up his earlier task of sanding the wood.

"Awww, come on, Gibbs, you're no fun. I'm not that drunk."

"Yeah, you are."

"Well, maybe. But I'll offer you a great story in exchange for one glass of bourbon."

"Not sure, I want to hear that story," Gibbs grumbled again, but found himself walking over to the workbench and pouring the guy a glass nonetheless.

He handed it to him and DiNozzo wandered around the basement for a moment before he leaned against the wooden frame of the boat, taking a big gulp.

"Ah, still as hideous as I remember."

"You wanted one," Gibbs smirked and started working again.

Out of the corners of his eyes, he watched DiNozzo. He had momentarily lost all of the energy he had displayed only a minute ago. Instead he was leaning against the wood, staring at something in the distance rather intently as if he was seeing a totally different world. They stayed silent for a couple of minutes, causing Gibbs to wonder why the guy had even shown up here in the first place. He had been oddly reserved towards him ever since Gibbs had come back from Mexico and he couldn't really blame him, he had taken his job away from him after all.

"So," DiNozzo interrupted his train of thought. "When you said you were still fuzzy on some stuff… what kind of stuff is that exactly?"

Gibbs quickly looked away from him. It wasn't the first time that he had wondered if those two kisses had actually happened or if it was only a figment of his imagination. Or wishful thinking.

"Just… stuff," he finally pressed out. "Few bits and pieces. Don't think I'm missing the big things, though."

"Okay," DiNozzo just replied, his tone light, but he could still hear the underlying seriousness in it.

"Why are you here?" Gibbs finally asked, as the younger man once again stayed silent, and finally looked at him.

"Don't know," DiNozzo shrugged. "I guess I just missed being here. Was kind of lonely those last couple of months."

Gibbs didn't reply as he nodded curtly at his agent, wondering if that really was the reason for his visit.

"I'm really glad you're back," DiNozzo continued, slurring ever so slightly. "Hell, I'm not even mad that you just took over the team like that because I really wanted you back, you know."

"You sure?" Gibbs couldn't help but ask, remembering DiNozzo's cold attitude towards him ever since he had gotten back.

"Yeah, positive. I'm not supposed to tell you, but Madam Director has those tasks for me lately and I mean, I like doing undercover stuff, you know that, but I love working for you… and only you."

Gibbs felt the corners of his mouth twitch ever so slightly and he quickly looked down, not wanting DiNozzo to see his satisfaction and the relief that it had apparently only been those additional jobs that had kept the guy from visiting earlier.

"But that stuff is exhausting, you know," DiNozzo went on, apparently not having noticed Gibbs' slight embarrassment. "That's why I went out tonight. Just for the fun of it. A couple of my frat brothers are in town and well, here I am now."

"Why?"

"Why what?" DiNozzo asked rather confused as he downed the rest of his drink.

"Why are you here now and not with your frat boys?"

"Oh!" he exclaimed, grinning goofily at him. "Like I said… missed you. And I… well, uh."

"What DiNozzo?" Gibbs prodded, impatience slowly starting to boil right under the surface.

"The story I wanted to tell you earlier? You want to hear it now?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Nah," DiNozzo grinned as he pushed himself away from the frame of the boat to walk towards Gibbs, who suddenly felt weirdly on the edge and didn't even know why. "So, we are pretty much on a roll, pub crawling and all that fuss. Then Alex suggests we should check out this new club, so we go there and only when we're already on our second beer, we realize that it's a gay club."

DiNozzo giggled now and Gibbs watched his ears grow red ever so slightly.

"But we're already in there, so we think what the fuck, doesn't matter anyway. That is until that ridiculous young guy shows up at our booth and asks me to dance. And you know, I say yes because…w ell, I don't even know. I just didn't care I guess. So we're dancing and the kid's hands are suddenly all over me, you know."

Suddenly, something strange inside of him reared its ugly head and Gibbs realized that it felt suspiciously like jealousy. But that couldn't be right, why in the world would he be jealous of some twenty-something kid? And especially if he had only been dancing with DiNozzo?

"And well, before I even know what's happening, he kisses me," DiNozzo continued, his tone still light, a smile still on his lips, but something seemed to be changed now because he eyed him warily all of a sudden. "And I know I should feel grossed out about it or something. I mean not grossed out, but I should feel weird, right? Because I mean… this is a guy and I'm a guy and I really shouldn't be kissing him. And then I think I remembered something. Or I don't know…," he stopped talking for a moment, running a shaky hand through his hair, messing it up big time. "I suddenly think that I've done this before, you know… kiss a guy. But for the love of god, I can't remember when that would have been."

His green eyes locked into Gibbs' blue ones and he felt his heart skip a beat. It was as if DiNozzo was challenging him to say something, to betray himself, but Gibbs wasn't even sure if the younger man even knew what he was talking about.

"I mean," his agent picked up his train of thought. "I'm pretty sure I must have been really drunk and that's why my brain hasn't caught up on it until like two hours ago. It's all a bit hazy, but I'm pretty sure I remember, but I'm kind of, you know…"

"Fuzzy on stuff?" Gibbs asked and suddenly couldn't help but smirk ever so slightly as he connected the start of their conversation with the direction it was headed now.

"Yeah," DiNozzo grinned at him again. "So, you wouldn't know anything about that kind of stuff, right?"

"About kissing?" Gibbs played along, wondering if DiNozzo really would have the guts to finish this.

"About kissing a guy," he replied and stepped impossibly close to him. "About kissing me."

Gibbs gulped audibly, trying to look away from DiNozzo's intense stare. He knew that he could just lean in and kiss him now, but a voice in the back of his mind almost screamed at him to let the guy off the hook. He wouldn't make the same mistake thrice. Granted, he could just kiss him and savor in the feeling for a couple of hours, but in the morning it would still be like it had been before, DiNozzo wouldn't remember and Gibbs would be obsessing about it for a long time with no result to all the thinking.

DiNozzo's breath tickled his cheek and he was able to smell the alcohol on the other man's breath. He sighed and was about to step away from him as DiNozzo's hand came around his neck to draw him closer, but this time Gibbs was prepared for the move. When he had finally persuaded himself that this would be a huge mistake, he shoved the other man away from him almost forcefully. DiNozzo stumbled ever so slightly, but just like before was able to remain on his feet as he stared at Gibbs with wide eyes.

"Okay," he finally pressed out, already halfway on his way towards the stairs. "I guess I've been wrong about this one."

"DiNozzo," Gibbs tried, but the younger man just held up a hand to stop him, his expression rather broken.

"Don't want to hear it. Forget this has ever happened."

And with that he was gone, leaving Gibbs standing there, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach. He made a few steps forwards as if to follow the guy, but then stopped again, even though remorse was already making itself perceivable. This had been the chance he had hoped for, this had been that one moment to finally make his move. Hell, he didn't even have to make his move because DiNozzo had done it all for him and he had still chickened out. But something still held him back. The other guy was still drunk, nothing had changed from the other times before. DiNozzo had simply made his move because he didn't know any better, didn't realize that this wasn't a game to Gibbs. He wanted the real thing, wanted it all, but not like that.

He sank down onto the ground and leaned against his boat-to-be, trying to figure out what he wanted to do now. Finally he knew that DiNozzo remembered their kisses after all, knew that it had all actually happened and he was positive that it wasn't enough for him. Sighing loudly, he made up his mind. He would just approach the guy on Monday, would invite him over and talk about this. If DiNozzo was still willing to after this and when sober, that was. But Gibbs knew that it needed to be done and that he really needed some clarity on this. He would just talk to him.

.

But Tony refused to even look at him for a whole week after that, leaving Gibbs with no chance to talk to him - and then Jeanne happened and that was that.

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><p><em>AN: Thanks for reading... oh, and reviews would be great! :)_


	4. Four

_A/N: Aaand once again, thank you sooo much for your reviews! :) And Happy Easter, hope you have a good one ;)_

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><p>Four<p>

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It was nights like these that made Gibbs hate the new director fiercely. It was one of those nights - after a hard case with especially annoying probies - that were bound to find him on the floor in his basement, one glass of bourbon too much, desperately trying to forget anything had ever happened. And it was also one of those nights, that if he had still his old team, that DiNozzo would show up, talking to him until it all didn't seem too bad anymore. But he wouldn't come tonight and Gibbs had no clue whether he ever would again, thanks to Vance. It had been five months since he had sent DiNozzo away to be an Agent Afloat, showing clearly that he had no clue just how good he was as an agent, that he had no clue how much DiNozzo actually _hated _boats.

He didn't like to admit it, but Gibbs felt as he was only half a man without the rest of his team. He hadn't known before just how much he depended on DiNozzo, just how much the guy did to keep him in balance during a hard case. The job Langer was doing was just fine, but he couldn't compete with DiNozzo at all. But it wasn't just at work that Gibbs missed him and he didn't have the strength to deny it for even a moment longer. Over the last year they had finally regained their trust in each other and sometimes, when he gave it more than a few minutes thought, he was damn glad about that. The last fall-out and the La-Grenouille-Case had cost them more than either of them would acknowledge, but they had managed to rebuild their friendship and Gibbs hadn't planned on losing it again so soon.

But Jenny had been murdered and he knew that DiNozzo blamed himself for it, knew that he thought that he, Gibbs, blamed him, too. But it wasn't the truth. Jenny's death had hit him hard, but he knew that it would have been much worse if something had happened to DiNozzo or Ziva for that matter. He knew that it wasn't fair towards Jenny, but it was what it was. DiNozzo, however, wouldn't hear any of it and then Vance had sent him away at the drop of a hat, giving Gibbs no chance to reassure the younger man. So there he was now, sitting on the cold floor in his basement, wishing that he would have done so many things so differently.

He was startled out of his thoughts by his cell phone that had suddenly come to life. Sighing, he picked himself up from the ground to get it from the workbench and was slightly startled as he looked at the caller ID. He didn't know the number, but whoever was calling him wasn't in the US. He didn't recognize the country code, so he was slightly hesitant as he finally picked up.

"Gibbs."

"Hey Boss," DiNozzo's low voice came through the receiver and Gibbs felt his heart suddenly beat a bit faster. "Did I wake you up?"

"Nah," Gibbs replied hastily, making sure to hide the great relief to hear his agent's voice again. "Just working on the boat. Where're you at?"

"Colombia," he answered. "Just chilling at a bar, you know. Trying to drink away the last five months."

"Does it work?"

"Not at all, but it was worth a try," DiNozzo chuckled softly and Gibbs felt something tug at his heart again as the desire to actually see the other guy suddenly reared up inside of him.

"Yeah," Gibbs just acknowledged, not knowing what to say all of a sudden, but DiNozzo helped him out of his predicament as he continued to talk.

"Do you think there's any chance that I'll be back in DC soon? I mean I know I'm reassigned and all, but there's got to be something to change it back, right? Anything?"

Gibbs sat down against the boat again, desperately trying to blank out the obvious hurt in the younger man's voice as he answered.

"I've talked to Vance about it every week, DiNozzo, but he won't budge. Doesn't mean, I'll stop trying, though."

"Thanks," DiNozzo sounded beat now and Gibbs sighed loudly, wishing there was something that he could do.

"I just don't get it," DiNozzo continued after a while, his voice strangely low now and Gibbs wasn't sure whether it was because the connection was so terrible or because the guy was feeling down. "I get it that he blames me for Jenny's death and all, but don't you think he's taking the whole punishment thing a bit too far?"

"No one blames you for Jen's death, DiNozzo," Gibbs replied, trying to put as much insistence in his voice as he could manage.

"Everyone does. Especially you."

"No, I don't. You were following orders, DiNozzo, you couldn't have known. It wasn't your fault. Sometimes things just happen."

"Strange how those things always happen on my watch," the younger man sounded bitter now and Gibbs sighed again, wondering how he would ever be able to convince him.

"No, they don't. Yeah, we lost Jenny and Kate. But neither was your fault. We do our best to protect people, but sometimes it just isn't enough. Doesn't make you a bad person."

DiNozzo remained silent and Gibbs could hear him sip from whatever he was drinking at the moment. He wondered if the younger man would ever forgive himself for the director's death. He would have given his left foot to be able to look at the guy right now, to be able to gauge his reactions and expressions and somewhere in the corner of his mind, he also wanted to be able to just wrap his arms around him, making sure that he wouldn't break over this.

The younger man must have heard him sigh over the phone because he finally cleared his throat and started to talk again, his tone of voice lighter than before, though it seemed oddly forced and Gibbs couldn't really blame him.

"So, how's work? Probies keeping you on your toes?"

"Langer's half-okay," Gibbs snorted. "The other two, I don't know. Too green."

"You'll break them in," DiNozzo assured him, but Gibbs wouldn't hear any of that, not when the younger man's voice had gotten low and disappointed again.

"Don't want to. Want my old team back," Gibbs whispered, but he was sure that DiNozzo had heard him anyway because he could actually hear him gulp now.

"You heard from Ziva?" DiNozzo finally asked after a few moments of overwhelming silence.

"Yeah, she called a couple of weeks ago. She's fine, says she misses us."

"Good," he sounded more down than ever. "Listen Gibbs," he continued and Gibbs knew that he was about to end the phone call and already felt lonelier than before. "Calling the US is pretty expensive and I…"

"It's good you called," Gibbs cut in. "Appreciate it."

"Yeah."

Again, there was silence and as Gibbs listened to DiNozzo's breathing, he realized that he had still no idea why he had even called him in the first place.

"Hey," he said a touch too soft for his own taste. "Why did you call?"

He could literally hear DiNozzo think on the other end of the line as he stayed silent for a moment until he finally answered.

"I don't know actually," his voice was quiet. "Guess I wanted to tell you I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Everything. Jenny, the way I acted at the time I was with Jeanne, the couple of times I went to visit you and you listened and I don't know… I never realized how much I appreciated our talks before. I'm just sorry I never told you."

"Hey," Gibbs cut in again, feeling his heart pick up pace. "There's nothing to be sorry for… I… I've been an idiot…," he trailed off as he realized what he was about to confess.

"It's okay," DiNozzo's voice barely reached his ears as he whispered.

"No, it's not. I should have told you, wanted to tell you before, but I… and then stuff happened and now you're not even in the same country anymore."

"Yeah," the younger man just replied and even though Gibbs hadn't said anything really, he knew that he understood him for once, understood what he wanted to tell him.

"We'll talk about this when you're home again, okay?" Gibbs finally offered after he had cleared his throat loudly to get rid of the thing in his throat that had threatened to choke him.

"Yeah, right," DiNozzo sounded bitter once again. "God knows when that'll be. Or ever."

"I'll get you back," Gibbs vowed. "I promise."

"Okay," the younger man finally agreed half-heartedly. "I guess I'll just have to wait."

"Not for much longer."

"I hope so. So I guess, this is goodbye, huh?"

"Yeah, for now. Bye, take care."

"Bye," DiNozzo whispered back and the sound of it tugged uncomfortably at Gibbs' insides again.

He was just about to hang up when he heard DiNozzo mumble again. "Miss you."

Gibbs pressed the button to end the call, realizing that he was actually grinning. He felt torn inside, sad that the other guy was having such a hard time, sad that he wasn't with him at the moment and yet, they had finally acknowledged that they had something to talk about and this time, Gibbs was sure that he wouldn't mess it up.

.

But when Tony was finally reassigned to DC a little over a month later, Gibbs just shook his hand, maybe a bit too fiercely and that was that. A short touch, a look of gratitude and everything was back to normal and Gibbs had no clue how that could have even happened.

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><p><em>AN: Thoughts? Complaints? Reviews? xD_


	5. Five

_A/N: Thanks again for your reviews and PMs! :) Hope you like this one, too._

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><p>Five<p>

.

"Come on, Gibbs! It's my birthday, even Ducky's coming," Abby looked at him with big puppy eyes and Gibbs knew that he wouldn't be able to say no.

He really didn't want to go out with her and the rest of the team as their latest case had been exhausting and annoying and he would have preferred to work a bit on his latest project in the basement. But he could rarely deny Abby anything when she was looking at him like that and she was right after all. It was her birthday and the team could probably use a little celebration to unwind. He finally nodded and saw himself engaged in a tight embrace before the Goth skipped towards the elevators. For a short moment, his glance reached DiNozzo who returned it squarely, a slight smile on his lips.

"You just made her entire week, you know," he quipped.

"Yeah, well," Gibbs replied, smirking. "It's Abby."

"Yeah," the younger man just answered, then quickly looked away and Gibbs noticed that the smile from before had vanished completely as something similar to sadness crossed his features for a brief moment.

Gibbs stored the image away for later use. It wasn't like he hadn't noticed that something was going on with DiNozzo and had been for a while. He had grown up a lot over the last year, had finally seemed to have come to the conclusion that he wanted to settle down, but he didn't seem to have found that special someone just yet. Gibbs felt something tug uncomfortably at him from inside as the realization once again made itself perceivable that it could have been him all this time if he hadn't been a chicken all those years ago. He knew that it was too late now. Almost four years had passed since they had last seen eye to eye in regards of their relationship and Gibbs knew that he had blown that chance when he hadn't talked to the guy first thing when he had gotten home from his stint as an Agent Afloat.

.

Gibbs took a sip from his bourbon and watched the rest of the team interact. Or almost all of them. They were seated around a table far away from the dance floor and while Abby was currently telling them a tale that had them all in stitches, DiNozzo just politely smiled at her, his eyes resting on something in the distance. For a brief second, Gibbs thought that he was checking out the women around them, but his eyes weren't following them around. He was literally staring into space. The sad look on his face from earlier that day came back to Gibbs' mind and only now did he realize that the younger man wasn't even drinking. Granted, he did have a bottle of beer in his hands, but he hadn't taken a sip from it in over two hours. Gibbs studied him over the next few minutes, even stared at him openly, but he didn't even seem to notice and Gibbs realized that something had to be seriously wrong with the guy.

He was startled out of his thoughts when Abby nudged him to get up, so that she could order another round of drinks. Taking the opportunity, Gibbs sat down right next to DiNozzo, who shifted away from him ever so slightly as their shoulders touched for a short moment. They stayed silent for a while, listening to an extensive story provided by Ducky, but Gibbs didn't pay attention as he was busy taking in DiNozzo's appearance. He seemed to have lost a bit of weight and Gibbs had to admit that it looked good on him, his jeans were snug, the black dress shirt just lose enough to accent the defined muscles on his upper arms. Gibbs sipped from his bourbon again, trying to redirect his thoughts. Finally, DiNozzo seemed to relax next to him as Abby came back with their drinks and another funny story and Gibbs took the chance to talk to him.

"Why aren't you drinking tonight?"

"Not really in the mood," DiNozzo just replied, picking at the label of the bottle.

"Thought you were looking forward to tonight?" Gibbs prodded as he remembered the other man's good mood this very afternoon.

"Yeah, I was," he finally provided, still not quite looking at him.

"So, what's happened?"

DiNozzo shrugged and shifted ever so slightly. The others were laughing loudly at something Palmer had just said, so Gibbs was sure that they wouldn't be overheard as he continued to investigate DiNozzo's weird behavior.

"Come on, what's up?"

"Nothing," he sighed, finally taking a sip from the beer. "It just usually doesn't end too well when I'm drinking."

"Yeah, hangovers do that to you," Gibbs tried to joke for a change, but fell silent as the green eyes glared daggers at him all of a sudden.

Gibbs gulped audibly, unable to avert his eyes from the younger man's intense stare. Something had shifted in the other man's eyes now, though, as he leaned closer towards him and Gibbs continued to look right back at him.

"Not talking about the hangovers," DiNozzo finally whispered and the softest of smiles started to spread on his face.

Just as Gibbs had opened his mouth to reply, even though he had no real clue what he wanted to say, Ducky appeared on his other side, a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm terribly sorry to interrupt, but I think I want to take you up on your offer to take me home, my dear Jethro."

"Yeah," Gibbs shook himself to get out his headspace as he got up. "Offer still stands. I'll be back, I promise," he added as she saw the disappointed look on Abby's face.

He grabbed his jacket and his hand brushed against DiNozzo's arm in the course, leaving goose bumps in its wake. With a frantically beating heart, Gibbs leaned closer towards the younger man and then whispered so quietly that only he could hear.

"The doesn't-end-well-part only depends on your point of view."

With that, he turned around and led the way out of the club. Only when he held the door open for Ducky, who seemed to be oblivious to his inner turmoil, did he turn around again and saw DiNozzo down his beer in one swig. Their glances met for a second and Gibbs suddenly realized that he had finally gotten through to the younger man. What he didn't know, though, was what he wanted to do now. Playing it by ear hadn't worked particularly well before, but making plans to talk to him had never worked out, either. So maybe this – whatever it was exactly – was the right thing to do after all.

He felt Ducky's questioning gaze on him and finally averted his eyes from DiNozzo as they left the club.

.

True to his promise, he walked back into the bar almost an hour later and was slightly surprised when there were only Palmer and DiNozzo still sitting at the booth. A quick glance around the place and Gibbs smirked as he saw the rest of his people dance - with Abby alternately hugging Ziva and then McGee. He wondered just how much she had been drinking before, but realized that he hadn't paid attention to that at all. Subtly shaking his head, he walked towards the two men now and sat down next to DiNozzo again, who was grinning broadly at him, but tensed up nonetheless as their thighs brushed against each other for a moment.

"You came back," he claimed excitedly and Gibbs was able to smell tequila on his breath.

"And on right on time, too, Agent Gibbs," Palmer pressed out and then suddenly sprang up, his hand clutching his mouth and then, amidst laughter from DiNozzo, ran off towards the restrooms.

"Told the guy, he wouldn't drink a DiNozzo under the table," he chuckled as he sipped from his beer.

"How much have you been drinking?" Gibbs inquired.

"Couple of shots," DiNozzo gestured towards a few empty glasses on the table in front of them. "Just enough to get my buzz going."

"Alright," Gibbs just replied and gave him a half-smile, even though he had no idea why. "As much as Abby had?"

"Probably not," DiNozzo chuckled again. "She must be really drunk by now, I'm telling you. Want to know what she told me a couple of minutes ago?"

Gibbs nodded and then grabbed the bottle of beer from the younger man's hand and took a big sip as he waited for him to continue. DiNozzo stared at him for a brief moment before he grinned ever so slightly and then stole back his bottle.

"Get your own, Boss, seriously," he smirked. "And Abby said, if she didn't know better, she would think that you were totally coming on to me."

"Really?" Gibbs asked, dragging out the word and leaned closer to the guy as he watched Abby, Ziva and McGee dance.

"Uh-huh," DiNozzo replied and started to laugh. "If only she knew."

"Knew what?" Gibbs played along, testing the waters, really.

"That you actually were," the younger man answered, his eyes finding Gibbs'. "I mean… you were… right?"

Gibbs remained silent for a few moments as he tried to decide whether or not this was actually a good idea, but then decided that it didn't matter. He wanted to do this and if he didn't do it tonight, he never would. He had screwed up so many things in his life, had screwed up so many things with DiNozzo even, that he had to take the risk. He just had to.

"Yeah, if you want me to," he finally answered and bit back a grin when he saw DiNozzo's cheeks flush to crimson in a matter of seconds.

"You're serious?"

"Yeah."

"Wow," DiNozzo pressed out as he drank the rest of his beer. "I thought you were toying with me before."

"Kind of was," Gibbs admitted honestly. "Doesn't mean, I'm not serious."

"Nice, Boss," the younger man quipped and then waved at Abby, who was currently staring at them from the dance floor.

She made her way towards their table, swaying slightly, before she sat down on the other end and smiled at them broadly.

"I'm so glad you two came tonight. I never get to celebrate my birthday like this. It's been awesome."

"You're welcome," DiNozzo replied, returning her smile, as his hands suddenly found his way towards Gibbs' thigh.

He tried hard not to jump at the sudden contact and succeeded somewhat as Abby babbled on about something. DiNozzo, however, directed a smirk at him and then made a show of yawning widely, not fooling Gibbs one bit. It worked on Abby, though, because she stopped talking and then looked at him for a moment.

"When did you get that wasted, Tony? And where's Palmer by the way? Oh no, you didn't, did you?"

"Did what?" DiNozzo laughed and it sounded so carefree that Gibbs' heart decided to skip a beat.

"Got him drunk? You did shots, right? He's so going to curse himself tomorrow."

"I think he's already doing it," he laughed again and then quickly pulled away his hand from Gibbs, who immediately felt colder as a result, as Abby stood up again.

"I'll see if I can help him," she grinned ever so slightly as he poked DiNozzo's arm. "And, uh, Gibbs? Could you drive Tony-Boy here home before he falls asleep?"

"No problem, Abs," Gibbs replied and kissed her forehead before she went away to look after poor Palmer.

.

They had spent most of the ride in silence and Gibbs couldn't decide whether it had been awkward or not. DiNozzo didn't seem to think so because he had hummed along to the radio all the time, his feet never staying still. With every mile they had come closer to his house, Gibbs had been able feel the nervousness creep up on him. He still hadn't had a clue what they were supposed to do once they were there and his nerves had showed because he had been driving even faster than usually.

He had still no idea how to go on when he closed the front door behind him, but the decision was taken from him when he felt himself shoved back against the door as DiNozzo claimed his mouth in a hungry kiss. Gibbs' hands found their way around the other man's waist on their own accord as he kissed him back, throwing all his worries from only seconds ago to the winds. He could feel the warmth of DiNozzo's fingers through the fabric of his polo-shirt and felt him tug gently, exposing the skin of his stomach. The sensation was electric and he savored his touch as he continued to kiss him sloppily. Something had changed about the kiss now, though, as there suddenly seemed to be a whole different kind of passion it, something vibrant and strangely alive. Gibbs felt DiNozzo's tongue against his own, conscious of the way his body was responding, and breathed deeply as the younger man's fingers began to drift further south towards the snap of his jeans. When Gibbs slid his hands lower, he realized that he had craved that kind of skin contact for a very long time. For a short moment, Gibbs' mind gave him a shout out and he backed away from the contact, from the kiss, but DiNozzo just took the opportunity and dragged him towards the couch and before Gibbs could dwell on any kind of doubts about this, the younger man slipped off his shirt, revealing his tanned skin, his chest hair and Gibbs gulped audibly. His breaths quickened as he stared at him, and all at once, DiNozzo leaned forward and lifted Gibbs' shirt to kiss his navel and ribs, then his chest and then the older man was able to feel his hands begin to tug at his jeans.

Gibbs wanted to stop him and wanted it to never end at the same time. In all honesty, he had no idea what he wanted, but for once, he disregarded the voice in his head that told him to take it more slowly and just went for it as he pulled off his own shirt and then reached up to kiss DiNozzo's neck and shoulders and felt the warmth of his breath in his ears. The sensation of his skin against his own was like fire and Gibbs had to hold himself back in order not to lose control of the situation. He was just about to kiss his way down the other man's collarbone when he felt two strong arms shove him away ever so slightly.

"One question," DiNozzo whispered as his hands all the while continued to play with the waistband of Gibbs' boxer shorts. "Am I supposed to forget about this, too, by tomorrow?"

Gibbs tensed up and got a hold of DiNozzo's hands. The excitement from mere seconds ago had vanished as he felt something tug uncomfortably at his insides. Had he really been that much of a bastard that he had led the younger man to believe that this wasn't more than to get his rocks off?

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked rather harshly, though he had no idea why that was.

"Nothing," DiNozzo grinned half-heartedly and leaned into him as if to kiss him again, but Gibbs wouldn't let him.

"Does this mean… you remembered all along?" Gibbs prodded and felt his heart sink.

"Well, yeah," DiNozzo replied.

"Then why pretend you didn't?"

"Come on, Gibbs!" DiNozzo exclaimed and stood up from the couch to pace around the living room. "The first time I barely knew you and I was so afraid that you'd fire me and I couldn't risk losing the only stable thing in my life back then."

"Okay," Gibbs replied slowly, running a hand through his hair. "The second time?"

"God, you really thought I didn't remember? You're so thick sometimes, Gibbs. Of course, I remembered. But you want to know why I pretended not to? You should have seen the look on your face that morning when I said I didn't know anything about the night before. You were so relieved! And when I finally pluck up all my courage a few years later, you just shove me away like kissing me was the most offending thing on earth."

"I wasn't," Gibbs replied, feeling like this conversation was slipping like water through his fingers. "I had no idea. I wasn't relieved you didn't remember. I just didn't know what to think. And that night in the basement? You were so drunk, I didn't want it to happen like that."

"But you're comfortable to do it now, right?" DiNozzo was practically shouting now and Gibbs had no idea how their mood had changed that suddenly.

"No," he tried to remain calm, but failed miserably as he stood up, too. "I thought you knew what you were doing tonight."

DiNozzo stared at him, the color draining from his face, and Gibbs had the distinct feeling that the guy was about to hit him… or something. But then, DiNozzo took a deep breath and stepped away from him.

"I don't think I understand," he finally said, his voice oddly calm.

"I don't understand, either," Gibbs replied, trying to keep quiet. "I thought you wanted this."

"I did," DiNozzo replied, his brows furrowed. "But what's it that you want?"

Gibbs stared at him for a moment and realized that he wanted him, wanted it all, but that was hardly news to him. The thing was that DiNozzo didn't know that. And Gibbs had the sudden devastating feeling in the pit of his stomach that the younger man didn't even know what he, himself, wanted. He let out a sigh as he flopped back down onto the couch and shook his head.

"I know what I want," he finally answered only above a whisper and felt his insides freeze as he thought about what he was about to say to the other guy. "And after you called me from Colombia, I thought you knew what you wanted, too. But I don't think you do."

"I want you," DiNozzo whispered, staring at his feet and even though, Gibbs desperately wanted to believe the words, he couldn't.

"No, you don't. Not for the right reasons at least," he replied quietly as he searched for the eye contact and finally got it when the younger man looked at him again. "You just think you want this… me. But I don't think you do."

"Of course, I do. Why else would I be here now?"

"I don't know, DiNozzo. You tell me."

"I thought we were on the same page tonight. You were _flirting_ with me for heaven's sake! You were touching me all the time, whispering into my ear, drinking from my beer. Don't tell me I imagined it all. Don't tell me I'm too wasted to know that we just had a serious make-out session going on."

"Of course, you're not too drunk. But I won't just have sex with you. It's not what I want."

"What is what you want, then? Tell me, Gibbs," he sounded frantic now and the older man felt his heart grow heavier as he realized that DiNozzo really only had been in for the sex tonight.

"I want you. All of you. And not just tonight."

Something shifted in the younger man's eyes as he stared at him and ran a shaky hand through his hair. Gibbs watched him and realized that he had hit the nail right on the head. Otherwise DiNozzo wouldn't be looking at him like that - in shock and wonder. He let out another sigh as he got up again, so that they were face to face, and continued.

"Just… Go home, DiNozzo," he said quietly and saw the other man nod.

He walked up the stairs towards his bedroom, not caring whether or not DiNozzo would actually leave his house right away. He just wanted to get away, the events of the night suddenly crashing down on him. He wasn't sure if he would be able to handle it with the other man right in front of him. What he did know, however, was that he had driven Tony away once and for all and that he had failed the guy to a degree that he was sure that it could never be repaired again.

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><p><em>AN: Don't worry... there's another chapter in the works ;) Let me know what you thought about this one, please ;)_


	6. … And The One Time He Wasn't

_A/N: And here is the last chapter! :) Thanks for all your reviews, PMs, alerts and favorites! :) Hope the last part lives up to your expectations and you like it 'cause I certainly had fun writing it ;)_

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><p>… And The One Time He Wasn't<p>

.

Gibbs dragged himself down the stairs, desperately trying to stay upright. He had gotten next to no sleep that night and the couple of times he had actually managed to fall asleep, he had only seen DiNozzo's face in front of him, telling him that he didn't want him. He should have probably gotten up hours ago, but something had held him back, so he had just been lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering how he would be able to fix it this time. But he had come to the realization that he probably couldn't. He knew that he wasn't at fault here, but neither was DiNozzo. They had just been in different places and only now did Gibbs notice that they had probably always been. They were never in sync with their thoughts, even when he had thought they were. When the younger man had called him from Colombia all those years ago, Gibbs had been sure that they were on the same page, that they thought and wanted the same things. But apparently they hadn't. Apparently DiNozzo just saw the physical part of the attraction and Gibbs realized that he hadn't given the guy any indication that there might be more to it than that. He should have, but he hadn't and now there were in this mess and Gibbs had no idea how they were supposed to get out of it.

He took the last of the stairs and then stopped dead in his tracks as his glance strayed towards the living room. DiNozzo was sitting on his couch, looking at him, his expression serious, his eyes wary. Gibbs rubbed a hand over his face and stared right back at him, not moving away from where he was standing by the stairs.

"When did you get here?" he asked after a moment of prolonged silence.

"Never left," the younger man answered, some weird air of confidence surrounding him, and Gibbs only realized now that he was still wearing the same clothes.

"Why?"

"First I was too stunned to actually move," DiNozzo shrugged. "But once I sat down here," he gestured towards the couch. "I realized that I had nowhere to go. I know you told me to leave, but I couldn't."

Gibbs tilted his head ever so slightly as he looked at him more closely and noticed that DiNozzo was actually meeting his gaze now, was looking directly back at him and something shifted inside of him all of a sudden, even though he had no idea what was going on.

"Why?" he echoed his earlier question, still too surprised to come up with something more intelligent.

"Like I said, couldn't," the other man replied just as calmly as before.

"Listen, DiNozzo," Gibbs finally seemed to be the boss of his own words again and moved towards the other man, but DiNozzo had gotten up now, shaking his head vigorously.

"No, I won't, Gibbs," he grabbed him by the shoulders as he spoke, forcefully shoving him down onto the couch, and Gibbs was too surprised to struggle with him. "All I did last night was listening to you and frankly, I didn't like what you said to me. You didn't even give me a chance to defend myself. You just have that image of me in that thick head of yours and just _assumed_ that I actually was like that. But Gibbs, if you taught me one thing it was to never assume."

"DiNozzo," Gibbs cut in, but once again the younger man wouldn't let him talk as he looked down at him with a stern expression on his face.

"No, let me finish. After that you can tell me whatever you want. Just let me get this out. Do you have any idea how much you hurt me last night? Do you have any idea? I'm not just the stupid frat guy that chases every skirt he sees as you made me out to be. And you know what? I wouldn't have been hurt if just anybody had mistaken me like that because I love to hide behind that image. I like it. But your accusation of just wanting to have sex with you stung. Big time. Because you know that I'm not that guy."

Gibbs stared at him with wide eyes, watching him pace around the living room just like the night before, but his walking around had a purpose now, wasn't frantic anymore. Gibbs wanted to stop him from talking, wanted to tell him that he didn't need to explain himself, but somehow he wasn't even able to open his mouth. He had no idea where DiNozzo was going with this, but somewhere inside of him, he knew that he needed to hear him out.

"You know," he continued. "That there's more to me than just that. You've seen me at my worst and you always accepted me the way I am. I never had that before and I thought we understood each other without even talking to each other. And I don't even have a clue what happened there last night. First you're coming on to me like there's no fucking tomorrow and for a few hours I'm actually in that happy place, you know. I actually thought that we were finally there. And then, hey, it gets even better, you're taking me home and all that fuss. And I'm thinking, even if this is just about tonight, it'll be okay. I wanted this and I knew that you wanted it, too. Maybe not as much as I did, but I was fine with that."

DiNozzo remained silent for a few moments, giving Gibbs the chance to study his features more closely as he let the other man's words sink in. He had a determined expression on his face and even though his cheeks were flushed to crimson, Gibbs knew that he would tell him exactly what he wanted to say to him and wouldn't be deferred. So, he stayed silent, too, waiting for the other man to catch his breath.

"You want to know why I started to drink after you left with Ducky and why I said that stuff about forgetting about last night? I wanted to give you an easy way out. I wanted to give you the chance to shrug it off as a drunken mistake because, for the love of god, I simply can't forget the fucking look on your face the first time I told you I didn't remember anything. So I was giving you a way out and got shouted at for it. And you know what? You didn't give me any indication that this was more for you, either. You never told me anything, never looked at me that way. In all those years, you never said anything. You didn't react after Wendy broke up with me and, granted, you were the one that started the kiss when Kate had died, but you were pretty drunk that night, too, and once again you never reacted to it afterwards. I was hiding years after that, I hid what I really thought of you because I knew that you would never look at me like that. And when I had finally made up my mind to confront you with my fucking feelings, you shoved me away like it was ridiculous. I know you said yesterday that I was too drunk to know what I was doing and you might be right about that, but yet again, we never talked about it. And I know I'm just as much to blame for this mess than you are, but I don't get it. You knew I wouldn't come to talk, because, frankly, I was terrified of it. But why didn't you come to me if you had something to tell me? I never took you for one to run away from confrontation. But well, time passed and I tried to forget about it once again, but had to realize that I slipped up when I called you from Colombia. And hey, surprise, you actually talked to me that night. You actually talked to me honestly for once and fucking promised me that we would discuss matters once I was home again. And there was that tiny little hope inside of me again, that maybe I wasn't crazy after all. I don't need to tell you that we never did talk, though. Until last night that was. And now you're seriously blaming me for assuming you just wanted to sleep with me? For heaven's sake, you don't even call me by my first name. One second we were kissing and the next you're all 'shut it, DiNozzo'. Talking about keeping a safe distance, my ass."

Gibbs stared at him, watched him take another deep breath and had a sudden sinking feeling in his stomach as he realized that the guy was actually right and about everything, too. He had always kept him at a distance, had always made sure that they wouldn't overstep that invisible boundary between mere friendship and something more. He opened his mouth to finally answer, but once again DiNo… no, Tony stopped him as he held up a hand and then continued.

"Want to know why I waited until morning to tell you all that stuff? I could have told you last night, too, probably should have, but I needed those hours to get over the surprise, you know," his voice was suddenly low again and quiet as if he had only made that discovery just now, too. "I had the thought planted into my head that you didn't want me for me. But then you're standing there, a look of… I don't know… vulnerability on your face, and tell me that you want me, all of me and I just didn't know how to react because I wasn't prepared for it. It hit me right out of the blue and in all honesty, I'm still not over it. Did you really mean that?"

He was looking squarely at him again and Gibbs, for once, had the strong urge to avert his eyes, but didn't, knowing that he needed to hold up the eye contact. He finally felt able to move again as he got up from the couch and came to a stop right in front of the other man. He could have easily stretched out a hand to touch him, but he knew that it wasn't the right thing to do, even though every fiber of his being wanted to, almost desperately. His heart was beating furiously by now and he felt flushed, but he knew that all of that wasn't important. What was important was telling Tony just how much his speech meant to him. So, as he finally answered, he tried to keep his voice as steady as possible, but wasn't entirely sure whether it actually worked.

"I really meant it. And you're right. I shouldn't have assumed you never wanted more. We should have talked about it a long time ago and I know I'm probably the one to blame for this one. But I want you to know that I had my reasons not to. We just never seemed to be in the same place at the same time and I, well, I guess, I was too dumb to realize that it wasn't only the alcohol that made you act the way you did. I should have realized, but I just didn't. I don't know what to say to make it alright again."

"Sorry would be a good start," Tony replied, his tone of voice suddenly a lot lighter as if a ton of rocks had just been lifted from his shoulders. "But I know you don't do apologies…"

"Shut it, Tony," Gibbs replied, cutting him off. "You're right. I'm sorry for being an idiot before."

"Atta boy," the younger man quipped and Gibbs had no idea where the sudden happiness came from.

He just shook his head, but couldn't help but notice that the corners of his mouth were twitching. He looked at Tony for another moment and realized that they had both been stupid beyond belief.

"So," he finally continued. "What do we do now?"

"I know we should probably talk," Tony answered. "But I kind of don't want to. I'm all talked out. Shocking, positively shocking, I know," he added in a horrible British accent, which caused Gibbs to grin at him.

"You don't want to talk? What do you want to do, then?" he asked then, already knowing the answer because Tony had moved closer now, so that their noses were all but touching.

"This," he just replied and then caught Gibbs' lips with his own.

The kiss was sloppy and somehow still thorough and Tony seemed to pour his soul into it, causing Gibbs' stomach do funny things as he realized that he had rarely ever had so much intensity directed towards him. Their tongues met up with each other, battling for dominance and for once, Gibbs let him take the lead as he explored his mouth as if wanting to memorize every little detail.

Gibbs had no idea when is hands had moved towards the hem of Tony's shirt, but the younger man gasped loudly into their kiss when his fingers brushed against the skin there. Taking the moment of surprise, Gibbs lifted the shirt and smoothly pulled it over his head, his lips only leaving the other man's long enough to remove it. He continued to kiss him for a moment or two before he trailed kisses down his neck, stopping to nibble at his ear, all the while letting his hands roam up and down the other man's abdomen. Tony's mouth opened slightly as his head went back and soft moans escaped him. Gibbs smiled more to himself than anyone else as his fingers caressed the light dusting of his chest hair, edging closer and closer to the nipples without actually touching them. Tony shivered ever so slightly as his hands clawed into Gibbs' hips, but he didn't care. His tongue darted out and licked at the sweat that had gathered at the hollow beneath the collarbone. The younger man let out another moan as his fingers finally found the nipples, teasing them. For a short moment, Tony shook himself and then pushed him away ever so slightly as if he needed the distance to gather his thoughts before he quickly reached for the hem of Gibbs' shirt and pulled it over his head. Taking a deep breath, he leaned closer and traced kisses up Gibbs' jaw line towards him mouth, nipping at the corners with light, teasing touches of his own.

A shiver ran down Gibbs' spine as Tony suddenly abandoned kissing him as he shoved him down onto the couch and moved to kneel in front of him. His face was already buried in his chest as he worked more kisses down his stomach, dipping his tongue into his navel. Gibbs watched Tony's lazy movements as he taunted him with his lips. The older man had no idea how long he had been doing that, but by the time Tony lifted his head and the green eyes locked into his blue ones, Gibbs felt like he was on fire.

"Stand up for me," Tony requested and Gibbs followed his order without a pause, his eyes never leaving the younger man's.

When Tony's hands worked his pants down around his ankles, Gibbs shook himself out of his headspace, wondering how long he'd been staring into those green eyes. Tony smiled at him for a moment, a real smile that Gibbs had rarely ever seen on him, as he knelt before him, his hands roaming languorously up and down his thighs. Leaning in, Tony's tongue darted out, licking his way around, avoiding Gibbs' soft flesh until he was almost aching for the contact. His hands had come down onto the younger man's shoulders, fingers stroking his hair and pushing him closer. He heard him inhale deeply before he let his tongue slip to the crease between balls and thigh. Gibbs shivered again and shifted his stance, his hands tightening in Tony's hair. His legs trembled slightly and then, suddenly, Tony stood up, quickly removing the rest of his clothes as he kissed him. When the younger man moved in close, Gibbs' hands snaked around his back, pulling him into a full body embrace. He had wanted to touch the guy like that for what felt like forever and his head dropped to Tony's shoulder as a heavy sigh of satisfaction escaped the younger man. It seemed somewhat surreal that he was finally this close to him, to feel all of him, but then, suddenly, the embrace was broken as Tony had retreated to kiss him again, tenderly this time, even though his pupils were blown by now, so that there was hardly any green left in his eyes.

"Turn around," Gibbs ordered softly and Tony reacted immediately as he turned, letting a nearby wall support him as he trembled.

Gibbs touched his hips, holding him firmly in place, as he leaned closer and whispered into his ear.

"Want to touch you everywhere."

Tony shivered and turned his head, taking Gibbs' mouth, his tongue searching for more as they kissed passionately once again. Gibbs' hands never stopped running up and down his chest and stomach, with every time inching further down. He leaned closer yet again, as if he wanted to melt into the other man, and pressed his by now painfully hard cock into his thigh. Gibbs' breath hitched in his throat as Tony suddenly reached back and grasped his cock. He took another breath to get a grip on the situation as Tony's touch suddenly was like fire, but Gibbs didn't want it to end too soon. He had waited too long for this to blow it like that. His heart picked up pace yet again as he pressed into Tony, tenderly removing his hand. Tony's flesh twitched as Gibbs rocked into his thigh. He was already leaking and he gathered some of the pre-cum between his fingers before he slowly slipped them between Tony's tight cheeks, teasing the opening. He felt the younger man tense up for the split of a second before he relaxed again. Taking it as encouragement, Gibbs reached around his waist, taking Tony's cock in his hand and stroked it with long and slow motions as his finger slipped past the ring of muscle. He smiled widely when Tony, instead of tensing, bucked in his embrace and then pushed harder, adding a second finger, scissoring them apart and then pushed again and this time Tony let out a startled gasp as Gibbs had apparently hit exactly the right spot. The younger man was pushing back against his fingers as he pressed out.

"God, I want you in me."

Gibbs held still for a moment, suddenly not sure it was the right thing to do, but then Tony turned his head, still panting heavily, and Gibbs looked into his dark eyes, which were filled with need and lust and something more. His cock twitched as he realized that it was trust. Something strange spread in his stomach as he buried his head in Tony's shoulder, trying to get a hold of his emotions. He took a deep breath once again and then felt Tony move as he rocked back against him and Gibbs picked up his earlier action of stretching, twitching his fingers inside of Tony until he was pleading for more.

"Come on, please, Gibbs."

"You sure?" Gibbs asked, his breaths coming out raggedly by now.

Tony pulled away ever so slightly and for a brief moment Gibbs thought that he would say no, but then he nodded determinedly.

"Please. You have no idea how badly I want this, Gibbs."

"I think I do," Gibbs replied and Tony actually chuckled at that as he straightened himself, then quickly ran over to the couch and lay down.

Gibbs stared at him for a second before he got moving again, fumbling to open a drawer and pull out a tube of lube. Tony gave him a brilliant smile, causing Gibbs' breath hitch in his throat again, and lifted his legs until he was completely exposed. He reached for his own cock and stroked it lazily, while Gibbs hurried to cover his fingers, his eyes glued to the sight in front of him. He began his slow penetration of one finger at a time again until Tony was writhing underneath him, sweat beading on his chest and forehead. When Gibbs added a fourth finger and pushed, Tony moaned again, loudly this time, before he nodded at him. Gibbs pulled out his fingers and only realized now that he was shaking ever so slightly as he guided his throbbing cock forward. His arm wrapped itself around Tony's knee, holding him in place as he pushed, meeting resistance against the thick head of his cock. Tony gasped again and clenched his eyes shut, panting harshly. Gibbs stilled for a moment, chest heaving, waiting for Tony to relax around him. The tightness around his cock was incredible and unbearable and if he didn't move soon, he was going to come too soon. Just as he thought that he could stand no more, he felt the muscles around him relax and he slipped in further. Throwing back his head, he held still again as he gripped Tony's thighs tightly, trying to keep from coming.

"Fuck," he breathed out before he looked back down at Tony and was slightly startled at the bliss on the other man's face.

Smiling broadly at him, he slipped in further and watched Tony's mouth open as he grabbed for the backrest of the couch. His eyes shot open as he pushed back as if to try to impale himself.

"Just move already, Jethro."

Gibbs felt his heart pick up pace at the unexpected use of his first name and then finally moved, very slowly, and pushed until he was buried into him completely. He closed his eyes again, his breathing harsh as he tried to think of anything but what he was doing right now in order to keep himself from coming, but Tony apparently had other plans, judging from his shameless pleading. Gibbs was sweating now and finally opened his eyes.

"I need… I… won't last."

Tony trembled beneath him again and then lifted a hand, gently rubbing his chest.

"Just let go. We got all the time in the world."

Gibbs' heart skipped a beat as the sincerity of Tony's words hit him hard. The younger man smiled up at him and then pulled him down to give him a kiss before he clenched around his cock and moaned when he bucked into him. Finally forgetting about his doubts, Gibbs began moving in and out of him in a slow pace, making sure that he hit Tony's sweet spot with every thrust. The younger man had grabbed his own cock now, pumping it as he urged Gibbs on.

"Come on."

Gibbs felt himself spiral out of control, felt the burn at the base of his balls as he thrust into Tony harder and faster, who let out delicious moans every single time. Gibbs felt Tony's body around him spasm uncontrollably as he came, shooting stream after stream over his hand and belly, and he increased his thrusting and as Tony's aftershocks shook him, he gasped and then let out a soundless shout as his orgasm overtook him and he convulsed inside Tony.

He carefully pulled out and then all but fell down onto Tony's chest, not caring that it was still sticky from cum. The younger man's arms came around him immediately, holding him tightly, as he placed soft kisses onto Gibbs' hair.

"You really meant that?" Gibbs finally asked when he was sure that his voice would actually work again.

"Meant what?"

"That we got all the time in the world."

"Yeah, if you still want it, you got it."

"Still want you," Gibbs chuckled softly as he combed his fingers through Tony's thick chest hair.

"Good. But we have to set some ground rules, otherwise this won't work."

"Okay," Gibbs replied, slightly startled by the sudden seriousness in the other man's voice, and wanted to sit up, but Tony didn't let him as he tightened his arms around him.

"Rule number one is easy. It's yours after all. We won't screw each other over. When one of us has a problem, we talk about it."

"Got it," Gibbs replied and meant it, too.

"Rule number two: no more hiding. I want our friends to know about this. I've been hiding this thing for too long and frankly, I'm tired of it."

"I can do that," Gibbs agreed, though he would have preferred to keep it a secret until things had settled down a bit, but he was willing to make a sacrifice there if it helped keeping Tony around.

"Rule number three: while I'm not just in for the sex, I want it. Lots of it."

Gibbs let out a laugh and then nodded. If sex with Tony was always amazing like that, rule number three would be his favorite rule of all. They remained silent for a few moments as Gibbs listened to the steady heart beat underneath his ear and felt himself getting more comfortable with this. He let out a long sigh and then sat up, ignoring the protest from Tony.

"Thanks," he finally said, looking the other man deep into the eyes. "Really, I mean it."

"What for?" Tony replied, furrowing his brows.

"Putting up with me and doing this now, even after I…"

"Hey," he cut him off. "We've been through this. Everything's okay. We were both idiots, but we're here now, right? Sure, we wasted like eleven years getting there, but well, what's done is done. We can't change that now. But we can still change what's ahead of us and I'm planning to make the best of it, of us."

Gibbs smiled at him and then gave him a soft kiss, trying to convey the message that he understood and wanted to make it up to him. When they finally pulled apart, Tony grinned at him broadly.

"Was that a movie quote?" Gibbs chuckled.

"Won't tell. Maybe it was original DiNozzo cheesiness. Or maybe it wasn't. Who knows?"

"I'll ask Abby," Gibbs grumbled good-naturedly as he placed a soft slap on Tony's head.

"Oh, you wouldn't dare," Tony laughed.

"Probably not," Gibbs agreed, knowing that he would never talk about personal stuff like that, but couldn't stop himself from adding. "But maybe if I'm drunk enough."

"Yeah, right. Just because I tend to do stupid stuff when I'm drunk, doesn't mean you have to, too."

"Not all that stupid," Gibbs replied, still smiling. "Without it, I don't we would be here now."

"You know what, that's right. I should drink more often," Tony laughed again and Gibbs felt something in his stomach flutter at the sound.

"No need to," he finally replied after placing a tender kiss on the other man's cheek.

"Never mind," Tony chuckled happily. "I'll drink anyway. Because I seriously rock when I'm drunk. Just you wait for what I'm up with a couple of beers in me."

Gibbs laughed and slapped him playfully once again. He knew that he preferred him sober, but he also knew that without the occasional booze, they would both still be in denial about this thing, would still be miserable and alone.

"Yeah," he finally replied. "I guess I'll be looking forward to that, then."

* * *

><p><em>AN: Hope you liked it! :) Thanks for reading and I'd love to hear your thoughts._


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